getting old or am old

When I was young I used to see all the nature and really enjoyed it all. Even in my mid 20's. I also had my music and my painting and drawing. In high school I took art class and wood shop and metal shop I enjoyed creating things. In art class I recall seeing two paintings and from memory combined two different surrealistic works of art into one.I liked the oddity of that sort of art. Ones was a dessert with bare trees and clocks draped over them, the other was the dark sky with the light of stars and a first going through a pane of glass. I was shy yet my art teacher Mr Wheat held it up in from of the class and said this is creative to take two ideas and combine them. Later when the week was over he asked me if he could have it wanted to frame it for his home. I said sure. I wasn't into math or science. The only thing that saved me when the end of each year rolled in when the written tests rolled in was my essays on certain subjects. In wood shop first year we used all hand tools , the next came the power tools. I was standing at the jointer the fellow ahead of me was pushing his board through had his left hand on the table and before I could stop him he lost his little finger and I felt I should have tried harder to stop him it was just so fast, I felt guilt.

most places I worked I made friends until I became a auto mechanic. I knew them yet never hang around with them for me it was a job I was good at yet once I was on my way home I didn't think about it.

We were always moving from IL to St Pete always with my grandparents going to automates . old ladies with white hair dyed so it looked bluish and old men with straw hats and a cigar. For me it was a nightmare. I was a kid. Not a thing it the Automate glass cases that didn't have mayo or butter on it so I didn't eat.

Later when I git into garage bands is when I make the most friends, all with common interests , all sharing what they learned.

The only place we lived that felt real to me was Lombard IL. There were kids my age and a little blond young girl who lived next door Cindy we hung around and she made me peanut butter sandwiches cut on an angle with her thumb print from cutting it. Another girl who was sort of a tomboy with red hair who liked walking in the woods near by and climbing trees we also hung together. There were sidewalks and grade school was close enough to walk to taking a shortcut through the woods. In St Pete I could also walk to school down a farm road, On the way near this general store there was a girl named Calliope who used to wait and we would walk and talk to school and after. I'd find wild flowers and she would put them in her hair.

I don't sleep well and these thoughts run though my mind of a past that now is so long ago.

All my life there was always a girl that stood out and we always ended up connecting. Whe I was in High school they had this turn about it was like a thing where a girl asked the fellow. One morning I was walking into the main entrance and this blond walks up to me hands me a note and disappears. It took me a bit to get the nerve to talk to her and when i did I asked it we could instead go to a movie she agreed. She worked in a laundromat and we would talk for hours on the phone. I didn't have a car in high school. One day on the bus headed to high school not far from my parents house in IL it was winter and I see these tire tracks into a field and a broken telephone pole. I was on the second floor and she didn't show up. Gym was my first class that year.. The females had the balcony and the guys the gym floor and as I looked up I could see quite a few females looking at me and felt something was up.
Then after gym class in the locker room I here these guys talking about how they sold this old car to her and it hit me hard, she lived to far to walk and the accident was 1/2 mile from my house she knew where I lived , she must have been driving to see me she didn't know anyone where I lived and she was smart on the student exchange program and she was sweet . Took me a long time to realize I would never see her or hear her voice ever again. The same year my best friend who was in the first band went to Canada with two drama class teachers , they drop the boat ore and he jumps in and was gone , took weeks to find him I carried his coffin his mother was at the wake and asked me if I knew enough people to carry it. He didn't have many friends and I was still in shock yet I found them. Very soon after the drummer in our band was killed on his motor cycle.

I keep the good memories of them with me. I still remember and feel the pain of the bad.

Now that I'm old as well as my (wife) we have some health issues to deal with. I need teeth and the place I went to for this grant is so far away and even with the grant costs a fortune plus there is only 3 hour street parking and it has to take much longer to do the work and half when pulled and stitched and the rest not log after for the dentures looking at around $5000. I have this horrid cyst right at my hair line that was big enough then I tripped over a chair in the bedroom fell Sept 2019 and bounced around and hit that thing now it's 3 times the size, when it's hot both my feet swell up so I can't see a bone in them. . My wife needs a reline and has this horrific growth in the middle of her chest that scabs over then the scab falls off and it's raw looking. We have no insurance. I sit at night and think how do we get around this.

I know some people who have insurance can't afford to pay what is required to use it ,forget what it's called.